Next month (august 2011), I am expected to sign up for Medicare; I had no warning that I’d feel so young. Despite forgetting my purse at the Laundromat last week, my memory snapped in ten minutes later, just as I arrived home. I called Pete’s, who owns the Laundromat. The girl on the phone said she’d send someone across the street to “see if it’s there,” adding, “Call back in 5 minutes.” I quickly reply, “I’m driving there now.”
I trust my purse is safe. I may be praying. When I arrived, Pete’s had retrieved it! Reassured again, I can trust the Design of the Universe to love me.
I remember back to my lake house, when I’m nigh unto 40 years old, looking for my car keys, finally seeing them in my left hand. That memory consoles me, as does me leaving my wallet on the top of my Camaro, driving off, later finding it along the side of the highway. Another near-forty memory comforts me.
Alzheimer’s media constantly warns of signs of memory loss; yet I am still (should I be?) amazed how sharp my memory is while executing my four-days-a-week job as a psychotherapist. Just the other day I marvel, to feel the touch down of a mosquito on my forearm, without seeing it happen.
Also, I wonder at my easy flow of tears since the early 90s, whereas beforehand I held them back, like a mother refusing to push her baby out, embarrassed, while reassuring myself of my inner strength.
For the past three to four years, a raised brown pigment has grown on my right cheek; two years ago a dermatologist at a nudist camp told me it was not cancerous, “nothing to worry about.” Over one month ago, my granddaughter showed concern, suggesting I see a doctor-type. About a week later, I noticed that the spot had become flat; I had tried to scratch off its layers for many months. It kept rearing its brown head. Now it was flat?
At the next weekly dinner with my daughter and granddaughter, I point out the disappeared spot, now flat, even creamy like the rest of my cheek. She asks, “What did you do?”
“Nothing different, it must be my tears have finally cured it.” They both smile that I know mom smile. Aware they know that tears break open cracks of our hearts, like wildflowers growing out of rock faces, making more room for love. It must BE true; no new diet, no new creams on my face, no new nothing.
My healing feels like this morning; taking a break from reading “The Help” to talk to my kitty of five years, Radiance, lying on the other side of the porch. We live alone. I am feeling a bit guilty as I ask, “You get enough attention from your mama?” when a tear out of nowhere appears and dances down my now smooth cheek.